Do you find yourself getting nagging feelings of jealousy when your partner is talking to other girls?
Do you worry that you’re smothering the relationship with your fears?
To stop being an overly-jealous girlfriend and start being a dream
girl, follow these instructions.
1. Give your partner space
If
you’ve been dogging his footsteps, confronting him with accusations,
stalking his social media profiles, or exhibiting any other desperate
behavior, your first order of business is to back off. Take a few deep
breaths, detach, and play it cool for a while.
Find opportunities
to be with friends, go to an event you've been interested in, and turn
him down for at least one get-together.
Be very careful not to act
vindictive about this, the point isn't to punish him, give him the cold
shoulder, or manipulate him into begging for forgiveness, but to give
the both of you a break so you can blow off a little steam, get some
perspective, and hopefully save the relationship.
2. Learn to feel good about yourself
Most
feelings of jealousy come from being insecure and thinking that someone
else can make your partner happier or bring more to the table. Remember
that your partner chose you, not anyone else.
Stop obsessing over
your weight, height, or looks, your constant negativity is draining for
you and your partner both. Worse yet, an overactive attitude of
insecurity can drive people away, become a self-fulfilling prophecy that
drives you deeper into the hole of fear and self-neglect.
Accept
yourself as you are. Your partner is with you for a reason and obviously
finds you attractive, but even if he weren't and didn't, you should
never let anyone else’s opinion define or validate yours.
3. Deal with past hurts
Most
people have them – and many let them spill over into new relationships
by either re-enacting the same unhealthy dynamic over and over again or
by looking at their wonderful new partners with a skeptical eye.
If
necessary, learn how to cope with emotional pain so that you can feel
better about yourself and be able to see your current relationship for
what it really is.
4. Learn what it means to have a healthy relationship
Whether
you’re new to the game or have been at it for years, it’s not always
easy to know what a relationship is supposed to be and feel like. Many
people don’t grow up with good examples of healthy relationships among
their friends, family, or even parents.
What’s worse, having one
awful relationship can completely throw off your sense of balance and
self-trust, making you second-guess your every move for years to follow.
5. Reassess your current relationship
Once
you've done some soul-searching and have a clearer perspective on
things, it’s time to look at your relationship with a fresh eye.
Do
your jealousy, doubt, and fear stem from your own issues with
self-worth… or is that something you've been telling yourself to justify
your partner’s unsatisfactory behavior?
Even if you haven’t been
as stable a girlfriend as you should be, that doesn't mean you should
overlook or write off your partner’s transgressions to over-correct for
your own feelings of guilt.
It’s always possible that your
out-of-control feelings were the result of trying to suppress your own
gut instincts – or, at the very least, that you both have played a hand
in making the relationship what it is today.
6. Breathe new life into the relationship
Before
you can do any in-depth work on yourself or as a couple, you need to do
damage control on your strained relationship. Start by striking a
healthy balance between giving your partner space and increasing the
quality of your time together.
Pursue your own interests in a
meaningful, enriching way: after all, part of what attracts people to
one another is mystery, and if you spend all your time checking in on
your partner with calls, texts, emails, and Facebook posts, there can
hardly be any intrigue left in what you do.
Split your time more
evenly between your partner and your friends and allow your partner to
do the same. Rediscover your interest in a former passion or, if
necessary, find a new hobby that will make your non-romantic time more
meaningful.
Then, when you have both remembered what it’s like to
miss one another, improve your time together by going on a vacation or
staycation, trying something new like taking a partner dance class, or
lightening the mood by being playful and maintaining the romance.
7. Build your communication
This
is something the two of you both need to work on together; many
relationship woes could be cured, if not avoided altogether, if couples
simply learned how to truly and effectively communicate with one
another. A big part of communicating effectively is knowing how to
broach an unpleasant topic without putting your partner on the defensive
(or, worse yet, the offensive).
Start by curbing your
accusations: learn to state what you feel (ex. “I feel afraid when you
stay out late and don’t tell me where you are or how long you’ll be
there”) instead of what you fear (“I’m worried you’re cheating on me”),
which can be come off like a slap in the face.
Be honest about
your thoughts and concerns while you’re having them instead of
stockpiling them for later and letting them explode one day out of the
blue.
8. Learn to trust
Trust issues can
make you go crazy. Ask yourself who it is you really mistrust: your
partner, your partner’s friends… or yourself?
Coming to the
realization that you still don’t trust yourself in love or that you’re
simply threatened by other girls is a good thing, both stem from the
same issue, can be worked on, and are totally within your control. Learn
how to trust your partner again for his and your sake both.
He
didn't text you back? Big deal. Obsessing over things like this will
only come across as annoying; if you are laid back and don't expect
instantaneous replies to everything, etc, he will not get irritated.
Don't call him to see if he's still there - take a deep breath and let it go. He will reply when he can.
Don’t
ask him to stop going certain places. Part of jealousy is the desire to
control others, and by giving him freedom, you show that you trust him
and make him more likely to respect you.
Don’t write a blank check
of trust. If you are genuinely concerned about something, do not be
afraid to (gently) broach the topic.
Mention that it makes you
feel uncomfortable when he talks to certain girls, or tell him honestly
about a behavior he has that bothers you. Don't overreact or make
accusations. Simply state how you feel and, if he respects that, he will
try to work it out.
If your partner simply isn't trustworthy,
it’s his turn to roll up his sleeves and match some of the hard work
you've been putting into the relationship. If he can’t or won’t do it,
dump him and start looking for someone who will.
9. Be an awesome girlfriend
Okay,
so you've managed to salvage the relationship and heal the damage that
has been done. Focus on being positive and making the relationship work.
The right type of relationship needs communication, trust and prayer.
Source: news.naij
READ MORE: http://news.naij.com/51346.html
READ MORE: http://news.naij.com/51346.html
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