Forgiveness is often misunderstood. A lack of this
understanding can hurt relationships in terrible ways. The symptoms of
such hurt may take form bitterness, envy, pride, and lust. Though
whatever symptom arises, it results in broken relationships. To stay away from such relational disaster, we must learn how to rightly forgive.
Are you sure you can say what forgiveness IS and what it IS NOT? Let's take a look at what forgiveness is all about.
Forgiveness Does Not Excuse Behavior
We
must realize that granting forgiveness does not mean that the injustice
wasn't grievous. When someone apologizes to you, have you ever
responded, "It's OK"? I know I have. That's normal to say when you're
dealing with minor infractions. But when someone abuses, cheats, lies,
steals, etc., these things are not simply "OK", just because someone
apologizes for them. In these situations, things may never be OK again
between you and that individual... but you can still forgive, while
knowing that what they did was wrong, and that it may bring
consequences. This brings us to our next point.
Forgiveness Does Not Negate Consequences
Let's
say I lie to my wife, but then feel guilty and apologize for lying.
While she may forgive me, it doesn't mean that she trusts me. The
natural consequence of my action is a loss of trust; therefore, for my
wife to trust me again, I must earn her trust back. This has to do with
justice, which can be pictured as an evenly balanced scale. So, if I
broke trust, I must earn trust. If I was to break the law, I may still
have to do the time for my crime, even though those I victimized may
have forgiven me.
Forgiveness Does Not Equal Reconciliation
Reconciliation
takes two willing parties, but forgiveness only takes one. To have a
reconciled relationship, two individuals must each meet the other's
terms. While this is great when it occurs, many relationships have a
hard time reaching this stage. For example, if I stole something from
you, you may choose to forgive me, but it would be quite unwise of you
to attempt to be reconciled to me if I continue to be a thief. Being a
doormat is never synonymous with forgiveness; we should never allow a
perpetrator to continue in his or her destructive patterns when they
haven't yet turned from them.
Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting
This
is a very common misconception. I believe it arises from a Bible verse
which states,"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for my
own sake, and remembers your sins no more" (Isaiah 43:25). From this, we
typically think that since God remembers our sins no more, then we
should also try to do the same for others. There is one problem with
this — forgetfulness is not an attribute of God. On the contrary, God
knows all things, and He asked us to not be forgetful. What the above
verse actually means when it says, "remember", is that God doesn't hold
us in light of our sins any longer. So in applying this to our lives, we
too cannot hold people in light of their offense, but we are not asked
to forget about it.
Forgiveness Should Never Come Cheap
To
forgive someone is a serious matter, and it should not be taken
lightly. Frankly, there are some things that hurt us so deeply that we
are not yet ready to forgive. In such a case, don't offer up cheap
forgiveness. Only say that you forgive someone else if you really mean
it. Be honest with yourself and with them. Forgiveness can be a process.
Forgiveness Is Divine
Merriam-Webster
defines forgiveness as "to give up resentment" or "to grant relief from
payment." In order to truly do this, one must trust in divine
judgement. This is really what forgiveness comes down to — letting go of
your "right" to punish. It's amazing how withholding forgiveness often
hurts you more than it hurts your offender. Resentment is a cancer of
the heart. This is one good reason we're called to forgive, and also why
we should forgive. To be able to fully release a person to God and not
harbor any hatred, anger, bitterness, or ill will toward them is truly a
divine act.
Being a more forgiving person will brighten both your
path and those whom you come into contact with. Also, remember that
forgiveness is not only important for others, but it is important for
yourself.
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READ MORE: http://news.naij.com/51187.html
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