QUESTION:
My wife is sexually frigid.
There is nothing I do sexually that moves her. Please help me, I am
getting frustrated. What can we do?
Mr. Jones
Sexual frigidity can be a problem in marriage, but this article will
go a long way in helping to educate the likes of Mr. Jones and his wife.
According
to the Oxford Advanced Learner dictionary, frigidity in women is the
lack of the ability to enjoy sex. With about 7 billion people on earth
and over half of this number being women, it is not impossible some
women are born physically incapable of experiencing orgasm. When a woman
finds it impossible to experience orgasm or enjoy sex, the problem is
usually emotionally caused and not physically induced. That is why it
has been said that a woman’s greatest sex organ is her mind. There is no
reason why every woman should not have regular and frequent orgasms, if
she wants to. No psychiatrist has ever seen a woman with this condition
who was raised by loving parents in a warm, secure family environment.
Most women who suffer from orgasmic impairment suffered serious
emotional deprivation during childhood and after.
It has
been discovered that women raised by loving and caring parents usually
enjoy the pleasure of lovemaking more than those raised by cruel and
unloving parents. This is so because the warm father-daughter love
relationship experienced during a girl’s formative stage plays a very
important role in whom she grows to become. That is why every father
must open his heart and his arm to his daughter at all times, and this I
can say, is strange to the norms in Africa, where the girl-child is
seen as “her mother’s child” while the male-child is embraced and
cuddled by the father.
As a father, opening your heart
and your arm to your girl-child now will not only help to build her
self-worth and give her a sense of belonging, it will also inform the
kind of relationship she will have in the future with her husband and
children. Every time a father engages in acts that can turn his daughter
off from him, he is sowing a negative seed into her future. Fathers
need to know that they are the first contact their daughters have of the
opposite sex. Whatever they believe of you is what they will believe of
every man including their future husbands.
Sexual
frigidity is usually a result of emotional withdrawal from the opposite
sex that can be well developed by the time a girl is six years. Cold,
selfish fathers are the greatest cause of cold, frigid women.
Dealing with a frigid wife
Frigidity
in women can be overcome with great determination on their part and
with tender loving care from their husband. A man with a frigid wife
must know it is not by her making that she is that way, and also know
that his wife’s rejection of him is not about him but a carryover from
childhood. She is the way she is because of the nasty treatment she got
from her father and therefore, in order to help her, he must do all to
prove to her that he loves her and that he is not like her father.
This
is definitely a task that requires some patience. Every action should
be kind and tender. Avoid raising your voice at her because this will
only remind her of how her father treated her in the past as a child,
and make her see a similarity in you and her father, and convincing her
that you are different will be difficult. Treat her with dignity and
respect both in the public and private, and gradually she will come out
of her cocoon. And once her mind becomes cleared, her body will be
responsive.
Why get married at all when you know you are frigid?
This
is a common question husbands of women suffering from frigidity ask
their wives, but such men need to know that many of these women are not
even aware they have such a problem. In fact, many of such women were
eager to get married because they wanted to get away from their fathers
and because they were in search of the love they missed at home. They
find themselves in marriage before they realise they are unable to open
themselves up and receive the love of their husbands. And many times,
they have no clue as to why it is so. They just believe they are so
because that is who they are made to be. It takes a psychiatrist or
somebody knowledgeable in this field to open their eyes to the root of
their problem and when this is done, the problem is half solved.
What if as a woman I don’t like sex and I don’t even want to like it?
This
is most likely a result of your resentment for your father which has
now been transferred to your husband. Over the years, because of your
experience with your father and what you have come to believe of men,
you have built a shell of psychological self-protection around yourself
and this has stifled your natural flow of emotions, making you a selfish
person that is only concerned about herself, incapable of receiving and
giving love. And this of course is not the way God designs us to live.
By the law of cause and effect, whatever you do not sow you cannot
attract. The truth is, if you do not make serious effort in changing
your stand, it may cost you your home. This is because this kind of
attitude, rather than protect us, hurts us the more. Emotional
self-protection doesn’t really keep you from being hurt, for it wounds
everyone you love and consequently you yourself.
Apart
from the above reason for sexual frigidity in women, a good number of
women may also experience what I call secondary sexual frigidity. This
occurs over a particular period in life when they suffer emotional
trauma as a result of happenings in their lives such as uncaring
attitude of their spouses, or neglect from their spouse over the years.
Thus, they close up emotionally, and resent anything call sex. And since
sex is a thing of the mind, it becomes impossible for them to enjoy it.
Source: news.naij.com
READ MORE: http://news.naij.com/51552.html
READ MORE: http://news.naij.com/51552.html
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