My dad understood my circle so well and he plans for it ahead of time. He buys my pads ahead of my monthly periods without my knowledge. After the first lecture mum gave to me on womanhood she never did any follow up again. She left me with my fate. I would have gotten into lots of troubles if not for my dad who was available for me. This is why I can't leave him for boarding school. Who will give me such attention? Who will be as friendly as my dad? Who will understand and tolerate me like him? These and more questions ran through my mind daily.
The journey to my woe started on the 2nd of June 20...... when my dad became sick and my mum wasn't available to take good care of him. As young as I was then, I played the role of a mother and a wife all together. I filled in the vacuum my mum created because of her busy schedules. Three days after, my dad recuperated and bounced back. At this time, our bond for each other had grown beyond daughter and father relationship.
On several occasions, I had noticed my dad starring at me lustfully and forgetting himself. On the 2nd of June, my dad came into my room. I had stopped sleeping in his room because we could no longer justify why I should continue sleeping there, considering my age. He lets me move into the other room to avoid suspicion.
"How are you Nike?", he asked, looking straight into my eyes. I felt an unusual sensation all over me when he looked into my eyes. "I am okay dad", I replied. He sat on my bed and began to massage my hair. Of course, that wasn't the first time he was doing that. He does it to my other sisters too even in the presence of mum. But the feeling that day was quite different. He left after five minutes but that visit was what broke the camel's back.
He came back after thirty minutes. "Nike, I hope you are okay?" Dad why are you worried about me? I am okay". "Alright, come and give daddy a hug". I moved closer and hugged my dad like other times but daddy seems to have ulterior motive this time from his look. "Nike, do you know how much I love you?", he asked. "Yes daddy, I know you love me so well, I love you too." He kissed my forehead and said, "That's daddy's baby." I stopped playing with his manhood when I knew that wasn't right to do with one's father. He stopped asking me to suck too because he began to notice I am getting mature and I could let the cat out of the bag someday. But this day, he reminded me of those days. He sang my childhood favourite song to me again. His eyes were changed and this time I was grown enough to know. These eyes were sexy. I had so much confidence in my dad, so I had no fear for anything.
He held me so tightly and began to unbutton my blouse in a way that suggests he want to have canal knowledge of me. Before I could say Daddy, he grabbed my two breasts firmly. "Give me this one chance and I will prove to you how much I love you", my dad begged me as his face was full of pity. I have never argue with or deny my dad anything but this was a cross road for me. How will I give my dad a chance to deflower me? I couldn't look at my dad's face as he continued to beg me for sex.
"But why do you want to do this to me daddy?" I asked, as tears began to run down my cheeks. "You are a beautiful girl with irresistible body. I want to do this because I haven't done it with your mother for a long time. She practically denies me anytime I make advances. I am starved and I know you won't let daddy to starve forever when you have the answer in between your legs."
Mum was promoted to the position of a Branch Manager and was transferred to Ibadan to head a new branch. This was what she had worked for all these years. Becoming a Branch Manager was her utmost dream for many years. Mum was so happy with her new position but the transfer did not go well with dad and all of us. She never gave dad opportunity to protest her transfer when she started making out her plans. Within two weeks, mum had contacted an agent in Ibadan through a colleague who got her a two bedroom flat in the outskirts of Ibadan. When mum left for Ibadan I knew it was a journey to marital desolation for dad.
"I don't want to say anything because you may think I don't want your progress but leaving your family at this time is not healthy", my dad protested. "So what should I have done? Resign the job or reject the offer? The position I have laboured for all through the years? This is God's open door and I can't afford to throw it away. Instead of you to rejoice with me, you are here talking about family. All our children are all grown and Nike can take care of her sisters well. I will always come home for weekend." My mum replied as she ordered Faith and Christy to move her things into the waiting van outside. We are surely not going to miss mum because her temporary exit from the house will give us a level of freedom and peace. We will be free from her nagging and troubles.
That night mum left for Ibadan, my dad came into my room like the other time. From his eyes you could see lust and determination to get what he wanted. "Please daddy, don't do this to me. I thought you said you love me? Why will you be the one to take away my virginity? Please daddy! Please daddy!! Please daddy!!!" All my begging fell on deaf ears as my dad forced himself into me. It was really painful going through this evil act. He left my room without saying a word to me after he stole my virginity. My love for my dad disappeared like a vapour. My love for him turned to hatred immediately. My loving dad became a rapist, the man I trusted all my life became a beast and a terror. My tears was thick and I could hear the loud sound they made when they dropped to the ground.
Three hours later, he came knocking at my door. His voice that was once a balm to my soul suddenly turned to a terrific sound. The fear that griped me when I heard his voice behind the door was frightening. "I am sorry Nike, I am sure you know daddy loves you. Please open the door, I have a surprise for you." If I had a knife in my room that day, I would have committed murder. I would stab him and stab myself. I sobbed bitterly all through the night. I didn't come out for three days even when my sisters came knocking. I could see the worries on my sisters and I didn't want them to do anything stupid, so I opened the door on the third day.
Who would you blame, my dad or my mum? The nightmare of what my dad did to me began to trail me. My sisters tried all they could to find out what happened to me but how can I tell my sisters my father took my virginity by force? It is sacrilege and abomination in Yoruba land for a father to have canal knowledge of his own biological daughter. I knew what his act will cost the family but I can't talk to anybody about it. I can't manage the shame and mockery. The thought to poison my dad began to find its way into my mind. I will kill him and free myself of the trauma of his presence.
What else should I have done?
Please write your answers in the comment box below and wait for the next Episode.....
You should have told your mother everything.
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